May 2009
73 posts
Remember?
Remember the days when we used to stay up all night, staring at the stars, discussing our futures; where we’d work, who we’d marry, what kind of aftershave we’d use, how often we’d rotate our tires, how we’d organize our moleskine notebooks, what creative process we’d develop to make our at least marignally funny tweets, how we’d find ways to save on food...
Since my first name is Aaron, I’m usually...
““Chris Magruder: There’s a word for people who think everyone is...”
– From The Curse of the Jade Scorpion
A True Story
I’m glad I eventually decided against it, but once when I was in high school I was sleeping in the nude as I was wont to do. I had an open-door policy because, interestingly, the door from my in-garage suite (AKA The Love Zone [AKA My Bedroom]) was on the wrong way so that the lock was outside. Therefore, I couldn’t lock it from the inside. This particular time I was awoken in the...
LucyRcardo: if vegetarians eat vegetables, i... →
paulfeig: Flying to Europe today. Can't wait until... →
ange_black: Yes. I am writing jokes as if I have a... →
An actual conversation I overheard at Target....
Mother: What?! How do they even know what making out is?!
8 Year Old Son: Mom, she's the school slut; she makes out with everybody.
gknauss: Joanne: "I'm being redundant, aren't... →
DanSherwood: Starting a regimen today of more... →
apelad: My sister & I both work for Disney & we... →
“The master of the art of living makes little distinction between his work and...”
– -Lao Tzu
My philosophy of life - Holy Kaw! (pronounced “Holy Cow!”)
CranberryPerson: I am probably too old to ever... →
girlmonkey: When life gives me lemons, I'm all,... →
AinsleyofAttack: What Is That On My Shirt?... →
zolora: Nice lady: Your blush is such a pretty... →
sween: I am constantly reminded there are stupid... →
adamisacson: Wouldn't it be cool if Amazon.com... →
zolora: Nice lady: Your blush is such a pretty... →
zolora: Nice lady: Your blush is such a pretty color! What do you use?
Me: Uh, it’s rosacea.
Nice Lady: Oh, I’ve never heard of that brand.
Me: …
A_Sav: I am going to start using Law and Order to... →
A_Sav: I am going to start using Law and Order to keep track of time. “6th episode of the day and they are in the court room, so it is 3:45 pm”
johncmayer: Change your homepage to www.bbc.co.uk... →
johncmayer: Change your homepage to www.bbc.co.uk or www.npr.org for one week and see if your brain doesn’t feel better.
I don't see why you think me and my brother are...
Jacob Goodwin: Moving to Oro Grande? Why would anybody do that?
Gdub: He's the head tech wizard. I'm an underling wizard. They want me at the district office so they can have me closer, whatever that means.
Jacob Goodwin: Oh, I see. It's important to understand the hierarchy of wizardry
Jacob Goodwin: Did you talk to Hamp yesterday?
Gdub: Yeah. It was fun. He's WAY more chill than before. He said he's gotten better at being calm with stuff, which I'm thankful for.
Jacob Goodwin: Haha... last time he sounded like we was gonna kill somebody. I did, too. Until the end of my mission and now when I'm about as fiery as I've ever been... ok, not as fiery as when I was say 12, but still...
Gdub: You're a compact black hole of nerves, but that's just you haha.
Jacob Goodwin: ha
Gdub: So dense you bend gravity son!
Jacob Goodwin: Whatevs. You should have seen me with my badminton partner today. He had a messed up back, and I was telling him to pick it up and stuff
Gdub: Hahahaha
Jacob Goodwin: Well, not physically, but he always zones out and the team serves and gets an ace and I'm too prideful to lose to 80 pounds Asian girls at any sport. It is badminton, though, so I probably should be glad to even play with Asians
Gdub: Wow. That's intense sir. I prefer Barbarian Badminton
Jacob Goodwin: What's that, man?
Gdub: Only overweight or uncoordinated white people can play.
Jacob Goodwin: Ah, yeah, that's good too
Jacob Goodwin: So I just signed my page. After I pass the drug test my sole will be sold to the industrial military complex
Gdub: Nice dude!
Jacob Goodwin: soul...my soles will be mine, still. Unless the paper says I give my physical body as well
Gdub: You could...might as well
Jacob Goodwin: yeah, no good if sole and soul ain't together
Gdub: It's a complimentary good for sure
Jacob Goodwin: Wait, so if the price of my soul goes up, demand for my body goes up? Hey, this could be a good lesson at church. I mean, wait... does it? Well, I'm gonna head to the institute to do my homework because there is AC there and our pad has like zero insulation
Gdub: Okay, later sir!
Jacob Goodwin: Silla later
BrilliantOrange: The best part about the new... →
BrilliantOrange: The best part about the new Safari is how often it lets me know that it has crashed unexpectedly. Communication is the key.
Tony_D: I would be enjoying this apple so much... →
Tony_D: I would be enjoying this apple so much more if it were nachos.
Just_Alison: In retrospect, I probably shouldn't... →
Just_Alison: In retrospect, I probably shouldn’t have called that four-year-old a gaylord.
scottsimpson: Sorry son, an after-dinner game of... →
scottsimpson: Sorry son, an after-dinner game of catch is only offered on Dad Premium Edition™. I’m just Dad Basic™. Wanna split this funnel cake?
DramaBeats: Trying to find a nice balance on my... →
DramaBeats: Trying to find a nice balance on my ipod between John Mayer and T.I.
sween: Sween's Law: If someone tells you how... →
sween: Sween’s Law: If someone tells you how Twitter is supposed to be used, they are wrong.
CallMeBez: TXT TO DAD: this blind date you forced... →
CallMeBez: TXT TO DAD: this blind date you forced me on would be better if he stopped talking about gerbils & shared the 5 lb bag of M&Ms he’s eating.
LucyRcardo: i don't get why are they called... →
LucyRcardo: i don’t get why are they called buildings when they’re already finished.
really, shouldn’t they be called ‘builts’?
Aimee_B_Loved: Dear Sir,
Your mullet looked so... →
Aimee_B_Loved: Dear Sir, Your mullet looked so majestic waving in the wind that it brought a tear to my eye. Thank you for reminding me how to feel.
Aimee_B_Loved: I like @sween. He seems like the... →
Aimee_B_Loved: I like @sween. He seems like the kind of person who spent a good portion of his childhood with his head in a bucket, running into things.
BrilliantOrange: I love new indie/dance music, but... →
BrilliantOrange: I love new indie/dance music, but I’m pretty sure I plonked these songs out on a Casio twenty years ago, drunk and high as hell.
thedayhascome: Keep your friends close and your... →
thedayhascome: Keep your friends close and your enemies closer is great advice for any psychopath who wears a robe made of human flesh.
johncmayer: For those who suggest it, dollar bills... →
johncmayer: For those who suggest it, dollar bills of ANY denomination make very bad facial tissues. Not absorbent enough, and a federal offense.
superfantastic: San Antonio: Where troubles melt... →
superfantastic: San Antonio: Where troubles melt like lemon drops. And everything else also melts. Because it’s hot as hell.
scottsimpson: I used to think "Favre" was... →
scottsimpson: I used to think “Favre” was pronounced like “Le Havre,” but now I learn it rhymes with “Justfuckinggohomeandwriteyourmemoir-avre.”
secretsquirrel: Cmd + F5 on Macs starts... →
secretsquirrel: Cmd + F5 on Macs starts Text-to-Speech. I say this so you don’t pee your pants when a loud, robotic voice bellows “TIME MACHINE FAILED”.
MoorishDignity: Gallagher's official website has... →
MoorishDignity: Gallagher’s official website has VHS tapes for sale for $5. Above one it says “ONLY 7 LEFT!” Does this guy know his audience or what?
adamisacson: Thanks for holding the door open even... →
adamisacson: Thanks for holding the door open even though you’re like 50 yards ahead of me, ma’am. Hold on, I’ve got to tie my shoe. Look, a nickel!
“It has always seemed strange to me,” said Doc. “The things we admire in men —...”
– -John Steinbeck in Cannery Row
Steinbeck on the Crisis - Freakonomics Blog - NYTimes.com